Men and women are different. Yeah duh! We’re not called the “opposite sex” for nothing. Often, it’s when we’re attempting to relate to the opposite gender that we run into communication issues. These articles are intended to help avoid and smooth out “bumps” in relationships between men and women.

Husbands – Put Away Your Tool Belt

Men, have you noticed that the same skills that work on the job or with the “guys” often don’t work with your wife? You might be very successful at work, but that success will not automatically transfer into the home. You might have some strong relationships with friends that are guys, but that doesn’t guarantee a strong marriage.

Why is that? A husband can get into trouble when he treats his wife like one of the guys. This is especially true when he puts on his “Mr. Fix-It” hat. Understanding this next truth will prevent a lot of stress in the home and make a husband’s life more enjoyable.

Just because you wife discusses a situation with you does not mean that she wants you to “fix-it.” Men need to understand how women deal with issues. Women tend to process their thoughts verbally. When women are processing their thoughts, they are trying to solve their own issues and aren’t looking for help at that time.

How does a husband know what his wife wants? The solution is not that hard . . . ask her! I know a husband that interrupts his wife as soon as she starts discussion an issue with him. He then asks her, “Do you want me to fix this, or just to listen?” When she gives him the answer, he knows exactly what to do.

Husbands, your wife wants your shoulder, not your mouth.

Wives – Don’t Question Your Husband’s Ability

A wife can question her husband’s ability unknowingly when she treats him like one of the “gals.” In the same way that a husband can irritate his wife unintentionally, a wife can communicate lack of confidence in her husband without realizing it.

Female-to-female rules require women to soften a request by asking, “Can you get that?” or “Is that too heavy for you?” A woman hears those questions and understands that the asker is simply being nice.

But a man hears those same questions and has an entirely different reaction. A man feels that you have no confidence in him and are questioning his ability. At best, he is irritated by the lack of confidence and at worst, he will just not do the task.

Men have an amazing capacity to rise up to the level of expectation.

Some comments that motivate a man without questioning his ability are “Wow, you’re able to do that!” or “Thanks so much for helping me.”

Here’s an example that ended up saving lives. A husband, wife and two children were flying in a small twin-engine airplane when the pilot had a massive heart attack and passed out. The husband did have a pilot’s license, but it was for single engine planes, a much different plane than the one he was in. His wife made the following comment to him, “I believe you can do this; our daughters and I will be in the back seat praying for you.” What a wonderful statement of confidence in her husband. A comment like that will bring out maximum effort from a man. This man found the airplane unfamiliar and the controls difficult to operate. However, he was able to safely land the plane with another pilot coaching him over the headset.

Wives – if you think your husband can do something . . . you’ll probably be right. If you think he can’t do something . . . you’ll probably still be right!