People talk differently. Any time two people attempt to communicate with each other, usually one is more talk-a-tive and one is quieter; one is a faster thinker and the other uses a slower processor. Often times those differences lead to a lack of communication – only one person’s views are heard and neither is understood. In order to have a more effective, two-way conversation use the banana principle . . . have the more talk-a-tive person stuff a banana in their mouth. Seriously, what can be done to improve communication?
Quieter people do have thoughts, feelings, ambitions, and desires . . . they just don’t share them as quickly, or as easily, as others. The faster talker will have to do three things to draw out the thoughts of a quieter person.
First, they are going to have to learn to wait patiently for an answer. A slower thinker / slower talker has to be given time to formulate and articulate an answer. Quick talkers can’t get impatient if they want to know what others are thinking.
Second, they are going to have to value the answer they do receive. Slower talkers usually don’t say much, so when they do, their words need to be treated like a treasure. To follow the principle of rewarding behavior that you want repeated . . . appreciate that the person shared their thoughts, even if you disagree with what was said.
Third, make it safe for the quieter person to share their views. There’s a reason why some people clam up, even if that upsets the person they’re talking with. Often, experience has taught them that it is worse if they do speak up. So, they’ll just take the hits that come with not talking, knowing that those hits won’t be as bad as the ones they would suffer should they share their opinion.
People need to learn to hold their tongue. If they lash out in anger or use harsh words in response to someone sharing their thoughts, they’ll get a response of either silence or escalated anger . . . neither of which leads to good communication.
Remember, if a talker wants to learn something . . . use a banana!