Many clothing stores have an aisle way or section where they sell clothes that are, ‘slightly irregular.’ When you go shopping in that area, you know that each and every item of clothing has some imperfection. Something is wrong – either a button is missing, a seam didn’t line up correctly, or something else. Some of the flaws are visible immediately; some of them aren’t.
As a customer, if you buy something from that area of the store, you know that there are no exchanges. You can’t bring an item back and return it AFTER you find a flaw that wasn’t visible in the store. If you want one of those items, you have to accept it ‘as is.’
There is a difference between buying clothes and dealing with people . . . with clothes there is only a section of the store with items that are imperfect. When we enter into a relationship with a person, we’ve got to realize that we’ve been ‘shopping’ in the ‘slightly irregular’ aisle. That’s the only condition that people come in.
A relationship may start off strong and last for a while, because the flaws are not obvious. However, get close enough to someone and you will eventually see their imperfections. What do you do what that happens?
Your first tendency is to blame the other person. After all, you’re the one that’s normal, aren’t you? To have a healthy relationship you’ve got to realize that you, also, come from the ‘slightly irregular’ aisle. So, how can two imperfect people have a healthy relationship?
If you agree with my premise that in a marriage, both partners have faults, then the question I want to ask is this, “Whose faults are you going to focus on?” It’s just so much easier for us to see other people’s faults than to notice our own. However, criticizing someone else, when you’ve got problems that you need to deal with, is hard on a relationship.
If you stop to think about it, whose responsibility is it to change some one else’s faults? It really isn’t yours, nor is it your partner’s responsibility to change your faults.
Instead of criticizing the other person, why don’t you ask, ‘What do I need to change in me?’ You’ll find that time spent working on your own ‘imperfections’ is much more profitable than criticizing the other person, both for you and for the relationship.
You’ll have God wanting to work with you, you’ll have a greater level of peace in your life, and your relationships will be better off. Isn’t that what you really wanted?